Category: health

My husband and I had planned a four day weekend for his birthday. We made it through three and are now home. Even going slow I can’t go as far as I used to.

It leaves me feeling very very sad and petulant and hating my head. I love being active and I hate that the more active I am the more my head hurts, the more I feel like throwing up, the more my brain seems to spin behind my eyes.

Sure, I’ll feel better after laying still for a day or so. It annoys me that I wasn’t even a quarter as active as I wanted to be and I still have to pay with so much down time. It annoys me that I have to stand at the view point and look up the trail not run up the trail.

The list of things I will do when my head is better is getting longer. I hope this surgery accomplishes as much as I hope it will. I have to believe it will. It will.

I got a call from the doctor’s office. The scheduled surgery is officially approved by my health insurance. I find I don’t have a lot else to say.

When I first started getting headaches I called them migraines. I had sensitivity to light and sound and a headache could wipe me out for days. It seemed like a migraine sort of experience.

Thinking I had migraines I went on an elimination diet looking for my triggers. I drank coffee when I hadn’t before. Caffeine can stop migraines. Everything I tried was based on this idea of migraines. Nothing helped and I couldn’t figure out what made my headaches worse. There was no managing my symptoms.

Knowing I have a problem with my inner ear I can now manage my symptoms better. I know what makes my headaches worse and what can help.

What helps is laying down in a quiet area with as little going on as possible in all directions.

What makes my symptoms worse is moving around (especially any activity that involves pivoting or my head changing level) as well as noisy situations or anything that involves trying to pay attention to more than one sound at a time. Oh, and running to catch the bus or lifting anything heavy or quickly. Or any sudden change of direction or movement.

That means that if I live a slow sedentary life with no chores, no cooking, no walks, no crowds, no lunches of more than two friends at a time, etc, then my evening headache is bearable and I can push out the unbearable two day headache to nearly every two weeks instead of once a week. This is how I will survive until the doctor fixes my superior canal dehiscence in December. And why I’m going hiking a lot in the spring.

My husband just got laid off from his job and short term disability is two weeks of no pay for me followed by six weeks of heavily reduced pay. I think I’ll take this moment to prioritize this button from the “You Can Help” list…

Donate to Help with My Medical Expenses

Back when I was just your average geeky girl in P.E. class I was often told to “push through” whatever I was experiencing so I could achieve another lap or a higher climb or whatever. I hated the concept of pushing through. To me it was the opposite of “listen to your body” wisdom.

Today I woke up with a horrible headache. My little toe hurt because I stubbed it really hard on the stove last night and the ankle connected to the other foot felt wobbly. I ate a sedate breakfast, tried to lay in bed playing video games, got frustrated and moved to the living room to sit on the couch and watch TV. In the living room I could smell that it was kitty litter changing day and knew it wouldn’t get changed until Isaiah got home from work. I felt an instant of self pity which immediately transformed into a bull headed desire to push through.

I got up and changed the kitty litter then straightened the living room. There’s a chance I will pay for this later with a larger headache. In fact my headaches are always larger after I am active. Who cares though? The kitty litter doesn’t smell, the living room is livable. I am happy.

Thinking back I would never push through for P.E. because I had nothing attached to doing well in P.E. I have a lot attached to cleaning house, making it through a work day, appearing healthy, being independent. My conclusion is that even the wimpiest geek who never touched the ceiling on the rope climb will push through for things that really matter to her.

Today I went to brunch with my friend Pope. During our conversation he mentioned my blog is sorta sad. I told him I planned to do a “post surgery plans” post and he said that was sad too because I couldn’t do this stuff now. Fortunately he understands that now is just a sad time and a window into my mind right now isn’t going to be bright and shiny joy.

Welcome to my sad blog.

Overall I had a good day, an active day which led to a bad headache. I went to brunch and Halloween shopping. I came home to some amazing deliveries. More about that in my Thank You post.

The post I want to do is a list of things I plan on doing after my surgery, some just because, some because my hearing will be better, and some because I won’t have the vertigo issues.

• Go see Rigoletto at Seattle Opera – ambitious because of the dates
• Visit John and Lisa in NYC for cherry blossom season
• River rafting over the summer
• Finish some overdue baby quilts
• Walk a lot
• Take a backpacking camping trip
• Do one of those deep overall house cleans that drives Isaiah crazy because it disturbs his sense of restfulness
• Run for the fun of it
• Climb Mt Hood

The list would be longer but the typing is hurting my head and I still want to do my Thank You post.